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Yay, my sister is here! - Just love me or leave me alone. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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Yay, my sister is here! [Feb. 11th, 2009|11:27 pm]
Peripheral
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood |distresseddistressed]
[Current Music |Vertical Horizon]

So, my mom and sister arrived last night, I think they said around 3am. They brought the trailer over to the UHaul shop this morning and emptied the contents into a storage unit. On top of that, there was still the contents of my sister's car, which ended up in my entry way temporarily. There are a few things that will be staying here, but also a few things she can't seem to find, so we will be taking a trip to the storage unit tomorrow; to hunt for some things and store others.
Other than organising, we went out to get a few necessities and also to do laundry. There was this "crazy woman" there who kept saying she was sane but told the craziest stories. Made me think of the kind of people Kim often meets. Haha.
We watched an episode of Coupling before Leah passed out, so I put on the Newsboys video and got fired up enough to write them another letter. (They have yet to release the movie onto DVD and it's been out for YEARS. I'm beginning to suspect there may be a licensing issue?) Like, dude, even the H2G2 tv series is on dvd. Everything is practically on dvd these days, EXCEPT THEIR VIDEO. :(
I am (still) so spiritually confused. I listen to their music and feel like I am missing something, but I went through so much heartache and hardship because of the church. I'm trying to examine both sides of the coin simultaneously, it seems. I just don't know if I can get past all my issues enough to have a close relationship with God. (I can't believe I am even writing this here, as I rarely ever talk about it.) Why does something that is supposed to be amazing (and has been at some points in my life) hurt so much?? I'm reading a book by Richard Dawkins and his arguements just don't hold much water. But we are conditioned to avoid pain. I so hate my past sometimes. Of course, I wouldn't be who I am today without it, but that doesn't make it stop.
Mark said if you change the way you look at something, your feelings about it will eventually change. I guess his arguement made sense, but I'm notoriously irrational with my emotions. (Yay disorder.)
And, for the first time in the 9 years I've been on the pill, I'm still spotting... Why? If it doesn't stop by next week I'll call a nurse or something.
Right now, I really just want to cry and delve into the pain; let it flood me, to get it over with.

For so long my life's been sewn up tight inside your hold
And it leaves me there without a place to call my own

I know now what shadows can see
There's no point in running 'less you run with me
It's half the distance through the open door
Before you cut me down
Again
Let me introduce you to the end

And I feel the cold wind blowing beneath my wings
It always leads me back to suffering
But I will soar until the wind whips me down
Leaves me beaten on unholy ground again

So tired now of paying my dues
I start out strong but then I always lose
It's half the distance before you leave me behind
It's such a waste of time

[Chorus]
'Cause my shackles
You won't be
And my rapture
You won't believe
And deep inside you will bleed for me

So here I slave inside of a broken dream
Forever holding on to splitting seams
So take your piece and leave me alone to die
I don't need you to keep my faith alive

I know now what trouble can be
And why it follows me so easily
It's half the distance through the open door
Before you shut me down
Again
Let me introduce you to the end

[Chorus]

Though you know you care

[Chorus]

And my laughter
You won't hear
The faster
I disappear
And time will burn your eyes to tears


Jeffery is not in season 4 of Coupling. :(
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: _leafy
2009-02-12 11:08 am (UTC)
Jeffery is not in season 4 of Coupling.

I know! I was disappointed too. The show just isn't the same without him. :(
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2009-02-13 03:25 pm (UTC)
Well, after watching it through til the end, I can kinda see how they really couldn't have ended it the same way with Jeffery still around. I was still disappointed, but it made sense in a way.
Now I'm even more motivated to check out that movie he is in. :)

Also, in season 4, Jane seemed less of a dolt (other than the plant philosophy bit), and Steve seemed more confident/less flustered in general.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: laradwyer
2009-02-12 05:25 pm (UTC)
Did you miss a day of the pill or take it at a different time than usual? Sometimes that can cause spotting.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2009-02-13 03:26 pm (UTC)
Nope. I take it the same time every day and haven't missed any.

I thinks it's stopped now, so I'll hope it was just a fluke.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: roshni888
2009-02-13 10:50 am (UTC)
yay your sister is here.. family is ace!

as for the pain, fake it till you make it. your past isn't a part of you. forget it and don't think about it again. and if asked about your past, say you don't remember it.

as the saying goes: if you think you can or can't, you're absolutely right. and God's with you if you believe He is.

x
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2009-02-13 03:30 pm (UTC)
Hmm, I think I disagree that the past isn't a part of you. Who are we without our experiences?
And I was never fond at all of the expression "fake it til you make it". To me, it has SELF-DECEPTION written all over it. I just... don't buy it. :(
I appreciate your comment. I've still got a lot to work through.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: roshni888
2009-02-13 06:36 pm (UTC)
self-deception is to psychological pain what paracetamol is to physical pain. I personally don't like to take analgesia. but if the physical pain is restricting how much work I can get done, then I'll take it, thinking of my work first and my psychological desire to experience the world as it is second.

you might like the plot of this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Haunted_Man
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2009-02-13 10:12 pm (UTC)
I guess I'm more of the philosophy "work through the pain". If we cover up the symptoms, how do we find the root of the problem? I have always had a terrible need to understand things. It can be quite exasperating.
I don't understand why the man would be bitter if he forgot all his pain. That just doesn't seem logical. But I do find the summary interesting and have gotten a copy of the story from Project Guttenburg. Thank you for the link.
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