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Sad about Timmy. Had a dream about Ambs last night. It was great to… - Just love me or leave me alone. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Peripheral

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[Nov. 8th, 2007|03:52 pm]
Peripheral
Sad about Timmy.

Had a dream about Ambs last night. It was great to see her, if only in my dream.

So, I'm going to be honest about something, even if it might piss some people off.

I am jealous of the relationship Jen and Ambs have. I remained friends with Jen even when Ambs had stopped speaking to both of us, but now they are both single mums and have that to bond over. I feel shut out. Since they're both on my flist, I can see when they reply to each others' comments and I feel ignored or undervalued. When I found out that Jen had been abandoned in England, I sent out a care package for her, but for some reason it never got to her and I hate that, because I thought about everything that I put into it and wrote her a letter; I imagined what she would think and feel upon opening it. That will never happen and it is frustrating. I also hate that the only way I have of contacting Ambs is through LJ. I do miss you. You are in my dreams and thoughts more than you probably imagine. Maybe I'm PMSing, or maybe it's the loss of Timothy. Maybe it is something completely unrelated. I understand that being a new mother is hard. I don't expect 24/7 chat.

Anyway, I don't even know what the point of this is. All I know is that my friends are hurting and I feel useless and unwanted.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: twirlie
2007-11-08 11:26 pm (UTC)
You're not useless or unwanted, at all. I really do appreciate you and wish I had got your package so much. Even knowing that you sent it means loads to me, it really really does. I'm sorry I've been preoccupied. LJ has been really crappy recently and I didn't get any email notifications to my comments or posts, so its been hit and miss whether I reply, because I have to check back to see what people have written!

(Oh, and I wasn't going to mention this to you because I don't know for sure that it is what I think it is, but I got a 'you weren't in and we have a parcel for you card' today. Its marked as being an international item and too big for my mail box (the card has check boxes and those two were checked). Now I haven't ordered anything from overseas and my mailbox is big enough to hold a pretty decent sized package, so I can't think what it could be. I've rescheduled the delivery for tomorrow, so I'm half holding my breath wondering if it is your parcel after all these months! Was it in a big box? I'll let you know!)
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[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2007-11-08 11:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much for your reply. I really appreciate it. ♥

I'll hold my breath and hope along with you. I will be amazed if it finally arrives after nine months! Whether it ends up being from me or someone else, I hope you'll let me know what you get! I don't think the box was that big, but who knows. Hopefully something good will happen to you after all of this. I hope Aiden feels better soon and I hope you find an outlet for all of your thoughts and emotions.

*hugs*

And thank you again for replying. We all need to be reassured once in a while.
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[User Picture]From: twirlie
2007-11-08 11:36 pm (UTC)
No problems at all! I don't intentionally not reply to anyone, its just hard sometimes because I'll check my friends list and then Aiden will need me, and when I come back I get to where I was before and assume I've read everything after that when I haven't (if that makes sense?) - so I miss loads.

I cannot for the life of me think who else it would be from. Davids mom sent presents over with David, and has no way of getting my address. We did a baby exchange thing for the babies birthdays, but I got mine back in October. Theres nothing else I can think of ;)

Then again, my mum sent me a package last November for Xmas, and I didn't get that until early June, so anything is possible with transatlantic mail!
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[User Picture]From: twirlie
2007-11-08 11:37 pm (UTC)
(baby exchange in my Octbabies community - we did a secret santa style thing, and my gift was to & from the US. Sorry, think typing out loud!)
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[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2007-11-08 11:48 pm (UTC)
I figured it was something like that. :) No worries.
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[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2007-11-08 11:42 pm (UTC)
I get all my comments sent to my email for that reason. ;P

Oh boy, now I havea reason to look forward to tomorrow.
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[User Picture]From: nineveh_rains
2007-11-10 01:05 am (UTC)
Thanks. *hugs*

I will make it a point to come to Emily's birthday. Are you going to have it on her actual birthday? Or does that depend on your work schedule, etc? Let me know an exact date as soon as you know so I can write it in my daybook and make travel arrangements. :)

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